


Unbreakable

by kendra189



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simonverse | Creekwood Series - Becky Albertalli
Genre: Canon Compliant, M/M, Movie-Canon Compliant, Post-Canon, light homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-02-01
Packaged: 2021-03-16 08:34:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 13,441
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29079414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kendra189/pseuds/kendra189
Summary: Movie-Canon. *NOW COMPLETE* :)Simon and Bram have been together for months. They are out and proud and love being together.High School is coming to an end, everything is going well and all their friends are planning for one of their last parties as a group at Garrett’s house when Simon gets a threatening letter in his locker.Bram jumps into action and helps Simon through it.This story is an exploration of the emotional impacts of homophobia (so, less about the homophobia and more an exploration of how the characters deal with it - I promise, this is still ultimately a love-fest :)
Relationships: Bram Greenfeld & Simon Spier, Bram Greenfeld/Simon Spier
Comments: 30
Kudos: 46





	1. At School

**Author's Note:**

> My very first multi-chapter story! (I’m GROWING as a fanfic author 😀)
> 
> A few quick notes: 
> 
> One, I’m a little bit annoyed at myself for dipping into the trope of ‘Awesome LGBTQ character must face and prevail over the adversity that is homophobia’. But I DID dip into that pool so I wanted to explain where my inspiration came from. 
> 
> Nick Robinson was interviewed by GQ magazine to promote that ‘A Teacher’ show he did with Kate Mara. In that interview they talked a lot about traditional notions of masculinity and how that gets broken down in the context of that show and its subject matter of male victims of sexual assault. (As a side: the interview made me really want to watch that show. Still tbd if I will.)
> 
> Anyhow, I kept mulling over that interview and about the breakdown of traditional gender norms (masculine and feminine), and specifically how men deal with trauma. And, with ALSO being a hardcore Simonverse fan, I started to apply these themes to our favorite characters and this story started to take rough shape. Before I knew it, I had an outline. So I went with it. 
> 
> I really tried to weave in some themes about what I imagine would be some of the thought processes and emotional consequences of such an incident. And, to try and keep it fresh, I kept the incident itself as small as possible. I did a little research on LGBTQ psychological responses to these kinds of things. But just a little research. Like I googled it for a little bit. I really should have done more. 
> 
> Also – fair warning - chapter 2 gets a bit smutty. Just a tiny bit. (I got a little braver since my last story ;)) It’s my first foray into it, so apologies if it’s nonsensical.
> 
> Lastly, Garrett’s back. Because I love him.

Garrett has made it crystal clear to everyone all week that our lunch hour today will be spent getting psyched for his big party tonight. He’s giving us tasks. And songs to listen to before we come over to get into the “party headspace” and he’s told us very clearly that we are not to show up late. Or he will throw a hissy fit. His words.

He’s so excited, in fact, that he’s already waiting by my locker when the lunch bell rings.

“Hey man. Glad I caught you.”

“Haha, ‘caught’ me? You’re waiting at my locker!”

“Fair enough. It’s because I have a minor agenda. I wanted to see if you wanted to come over right after school today? To hang out before everyone comes over for pizza before the party? Simon’s of course invited too. I thought it would be fun just the three of us.”

I can’t help but laugh at Garrett. He’s an unstoppable social machine. Sometimes it feels like a paradox how he and I ended up being such great friends, given our vastly different personalities. But we are. And I can’t imagine my life without him.

“So let me get this straight. You want me and Simon to come over, _and then_ the lunch crew and soccer people come over for pizza, _and then_ the whole senior class comes for the party? What are you doing? marathoning social events today?”

“Yeah man!! I gotta capitalize on this empty house!”

“Haha okay. Sounds great. But is there any reason for the pre-pre party with me and Simon?”

“Umm.. yeah, kind of. I was hoping to pick your brain about the Leah situation. I just….. I don’t know. Having a lot of thoughts on that. Kind of wanted to run my thinking by you if you’re cool with it.”

Oh boy. Simon will _hate_ being there for that. And realistically, I know Garrett doesn’t really want Simon there either. It’s nothing against Simon, but Simon’s been best friends with Leah since kindergarten and Garrett feels a little vulnerable about his crush in front of him. I know Garrett genuinely really likes Simon, but I’ll bet he’s just including him because he’s awesome about including people.

“For sure! But it can be just me if you want. Simon really won’t mind. I promise you.”

Garrett looks hesitant. As if even the remote possibility of someone feeling excluded is too much to bear. It’s an awesome characteristic of his. “Are you sure?”

“Yeah definitely. I’ll let Simon know I’m heading to your place a bit early and to meet me there. He’ll be fine with it, I promise.”

“Okay. But he’s always welcome, you know!”

I just smile and roll my eyes at him as we head down the hall toward the cafeteria.

We catch up with Abby, Leah and Simon at their lockers and wait for them so we can walk to lunch together.

“Guys, you better be psyched for this fiesta. It’s gonna be the best thing ever.” Garrett starts. “No parents for three whole days! I might just stay drunk the whole time. I think at least half the senior class is coming tonight. I. am. _amped_.”

Leah just rolls her eyes at Garrett but still smiles at him. He looks over the moon at getting such a positive reaction from her.

Simon also smiles at Garrett’s enthusiasm. “I’m amped too, Garrett. I’ve been looking forward to this all week. Even though school’s over in a month, my bio teacher is _still_ assigning labs! It’s just not right!” He turns and opens his locker.

“I’ll take labs over my afternoon task.” Abby says. “I promised my mom I’d help her take a pretty photo of herself for e-harmony. G-rated she assures me, but still!” She turns to Garrett, “Can I be drunk for that, too?”

I laugh at Abby’s comment when I notice Simon’s attention is diverted. He looks a little stricken and I can see he’s trying to hold it together while he looks at an unfolded piece of paper in his hand.

“Simon?” After a few seconds, hearing his name must have caught his attention because he looks up at me for a brief second before looking back down at the paper.

“Uh-Uhm…….” And he swallows nervously.

That’s when I notice his hands are trembling. He can’t bring himself to look at me, or anywhere but down at that note.

Abby, Leah and Garrett all figured out that something is wrong with Simon because they’ve stopped talking and are watching on nervously.

I gently take the piece of paper out of his hand and glance at Simon looking for his permission before I read it. I know he trusts me completely, but I still want to give him a moment to say no, just in case. He says nothing and looks like he’s waiting for me to finish with it. He’s still not looking at me.

The moment I look down at the note, I’m immediately filled with a white-hot fury.

Someone has written an unequivocal and unmistakeable death threat to Simon, followed by a pretty crude drawing of him and me that is clearly designed to emasculate Simon.

Without thinking, I angrily crumple the piece of paper in my hand into a ball and let out a deep exhale to try and calm down. I immediately regret crumpling the note since I don’t want to damage the only piece of evidence we have against whoever wrote this.

Oh well, I can’t think about that now.

I hold the crumpled piece of paper in my left hand and look at Simon. He looks scared and upset and like he’s afraid to do anything for fear of falling apart. I can’t help but feel a brief hint of pride that I know him so well that I am absolutely certain I know what’s going on his head. I’ve spent so many years studying his face, that I can often read him like a book.

But I quickly get rid of that thought because what’s going on in his head is _not good_.

He’s panicking. And I need to focus.

“Simon, look at me.” I say softly while looking at him intently.

He doesn’t move his eyes up. I’m not even sure if he heard me.

“Hey, Simon….”

Still nothing. I think he’s afraid to move a muscle.

I take a different tactic, one that I know will work.

“ _Hey,_ baby.” With that, his eyes dart up and focus squarely on me instantly. I lightly touch his cheek. 

I _knew_ that would get his attention. I only ever call him _baby_ when we’re naked.

He’s looking at me with a worried, apprehensive look on his face. He looks worn out and weary of this. Honestly, I don’t blame him at all. We have dealt with a little bit of homophobia since I came out and people found out we’re together, but it really hasn’t been that bad. And pretty infrequent. But this?…. this is different.

While I’m exhausted by this note myself, I’m more furious than anything. Furious because I just came from my own locker and there was no note in there for me. And I’m _just_ as gay and _just_ as out as Simon is. Targeting him is pulling on my protective boyfriend instincts. How dare someone single him out. I’m also surprised at myself for how much I want to punch the person who put this look of pain on my lover’s face.

But I don’t let Simon see any of that.

"Hey.” I say again. Still touching his face. “You _know_ we have to report this, right?”

Simon doesn’t say anything, he just looks at me for another few seconds before looking back down at his feet and nodding in agreement.

“Ok.” I whisper, and I snake my other arm around his shoulders. Simon, in response, puts his hands lightly on both my hips and looks into my eyes for a moment.

I gently rest my forehead against Simon’s. He closes his eyes but I don’t stop looking at him. He looks pained and stressed and I resolve to work at getting rid of that expression from his face.

“Simon, listen to me. I love you … _so fucking_ _much_.”

He smiles at me and I can see normal-Simon slowly starting to emerge.

“Seriously, I adore you. From the hair on your head…” I use that as an excuse to lightly run my fingers through his hair.

“… all the way down to that little mole on your baby toe.” And I point at his right foot.

Simon lightly chuckles because he knows I’m being deliberately ridiculous.

In that moment, I decide to break a rule Simon and I made that we would never kiss at school. It’s not about proving anything to anyone, I just really need to kiss him in that moment.

So I do.

I lean up and firmly plant my lips on his. He’s certainly surprised at first but he responds to the kiss quickly.

Before I know it, I’m already deepening the kiss and slipping my tongue into Simon’s mouth.

My mind turns briefly to our friends who are all standing and watching us. I’m sure they’re a little surprised and awkward. Simon and I have never kissed in front of them either and now we’re basically making out in front of them.

Right now, I don’t care.

I know they won’t be weird about it. I’ve seen Garrett make out with girls before and Nick and Abby are all over each other at parties. Simon responds to the kiss and matches my intensity. I’m so glad for it, I was worried he may be upset that I’m breaking our rule.

I gently pull back from him. He slowly opens his eyes and looks at me with that look he sometimes gets after I’ve kissed him.

God, I _love_ that look.

“Ok.” And I smile warmly at him. “Ready to go?” I ask. He nods quickly.

I’ve still got the crumpled note in my hand. I extend my free hand to Simon and he takes it immediately.

“ _Wait_ -” I hear Garrett say. He gently pushes past Abby and comes right up to me and Simon.

“You guys know I love you, right? I love you _both_.” And he makes a point of looking at Simon too.

“You have my total, complete and unconditional support. Seriously. Whatever you need. I’ll do it. _Anything_.” And with that he envelops both of us into a big hug.

I’m a little struck. He really never fails to come through. Garrett really is the best.

“Me too!!!” I hear Abby say loudly and definitively. She jogs around and hugs us both from the other side. Leah quickly follows suit and poor Simon is being bombarded by arms coming at him from all sides.

I don’t take my eyes off Simon who starts to look a little overwhelmed by all the love from our friends.

Slowly they all peel off of us and it’s time for us to head to Mr. Worth’s office.

Once we walk through the door, I steal a quick glance at Simon who already looks a little calmer in the short walk from his locker.

“Hi, Tracy.” I say as we walk up to reception.

“Well hello, Mr. Greenfeld! What can I do for you today?” She glances at both of us. I know she notices that Simon and I are holding hands. That won’t be a surprise to her, our story and our big Ferris wheel moment a few months ago definitely made its way into teacher gossip circles.

Tracy loves me. I know it. I have that effect on faculty and admin staff. Something about being a great student _and_ well mannered. But I don’t continue the conversation, instead I just look expectantly at Simon. I don’t want to take his agency away from him here. This is for him to do.

“Hi Tracy…” Simon repeats, a little quieter than his normal voice.

“Good afternoon Mr. Spier.” Tracy says. She’s still polite, just a little more formal with Simon than she was with me.

“Um, we need to speak with Mr. Worth about something?” Simon says, phrasing it as a question. He’s clearly nervous.

“Unfortunately, he’s quite busy for the rest of the day, can it wait until tomorrow?”

I look at Simon expectantly. Simon steels his resolve, looks down to his feet. “Um… unfortunately, no. Uh, Something happened. We need to report it straight away.”

That gets Tracy’s attention.

Maybe she notices the stress on Simon’s face, or the concern on mine.

“Let me see what I can do.” She gets up and slips into Mr. Worth’s office. I shift my attention fully to Simon. I don’t say anything but I give his hand a quick squeeze. He just smiles back at me and waits.

Tracy comes back out almost immediately. “He can see you in ten minutes. You two can wait there.” and points to the two chairs just outside Mr. Worth’s door.

“Okay, thanks.” Simon says. I just smile at Tracy and Simon and I sit down and wait. I send Garrett a quick apology text about missing the big lunchtime party plan. He, of course, texts back a super supportive reply showing me he completely gets it.

When Simon and I are called into Mr. Worth’s office, he immediately greets us with his usual bright demeanor and desperate attempts to connect with the student body.

“What can I do for you fellas today? What is _sooooo important_ that it can’t wait?” He’s grinning so hard, I can’t help wondering if it hurts his face.

Simon says nothing but immediately reaches for the note from me and hands it to Mr. Worth, who dutifully uncrumples it.

Mr. Worth furrows his brow and looks very serious. All of his breezy demeanor is instantly gone.

Frankly, I’m relieved. This might be easier than I thought.

“Who wrote this?” He asks calmly.

“I- it was in my locker. I assume someone put it in there during morning classes.”

Mr. Worth doesn’t say anything just looks down at the paper.

He immediately hits a button on his phone and buzzes Tracy.

“Tracy? Can you please telephone Mr. Spier’s parents and ask them to come down to the school straight away? Make sure you tell them that Simon is fine and not in trouble.”

“Will do-"

Simon looks distressed. “Wait, what? Why are you calling my parents??”

“Because, Simon. You’re still technically a minor, and someone has just committed a hate crime. I’m legally required to call them.”

Simon looks upset but doesn’t say anything more. I just reach over and take his hand.

“And my next call is to the police.”

And with that Simon looks positively horror struck.

Simon and I spend the next two hours in Mr. Worth’s office discussing the note with Mr. Worth, Jack and Emily Spier and one female police officer who dutifully runs through her reporting asking both of us an astounding amount of questions about all instances of homophobia we’ve encountered in the school. Simon is hesitant to provide names at first but is easily persuaded by the cop as to why it’s important.

“Ok, Mr. Spier, Mr. Greenfeld. I think that’s everything. I’ll write up the report and, as per Ms. Spier’s request, I will provide a copy as soon as it’s filed. The school knows to contact me as well if there are any further developments. I will also follow up with the school administrators directly about additional security measures that can be taken.”

Simon nods. “Thanks, Officer Wilson.”

She turns to focus on Simon and me directly. “Simon….. May I call you Simon?” He just smiles and nods.

“Simon, I’d like you to listen to me very carefully.” She holds up the note, now in a clear evidence bag, for Simon to see. “This note? is _nothing._ In fact, the author clearly didn’t think things through because now, if someone does something, _anything_ else, there will almost certainly be police involvement. What’s more, if we find out who wrote this, I _will_ charge them with a criminal offence. I take this kind of thing very seriously. So it’s really, really important that you let me know if there’s anything else that happens. You’ve got my direct line now. You call me IMMEDIATELY.

But most importantly, Simon – It’s important to me that you know this - You have a right to feel safe in your own skin and in your life and your routine. I don’t want you always looking over your shoulder, alright? So put this note out of your mind. Live your life. Hold hands with your boyfriend. Keep up your involvement in the theater. Go out with your friends. Just _be you_. And if, _IF_ , something else happens. You call me. Or 911, and then me. Depending on the circumstances. Do you understand?”

Wow. I think I might love her a little. Of all the police officers who could have taken this call, we may have hit the jackpot. When Mr. Worth said there would be a police report, I worried Simon would be faced with even more homophobia with someone who would tell Simon he brought it on by ‘being too gay’ or some other ‘blame the victim’ garbage. But no. Officer Wilson might actually be perfect.

Simon smiles a real, genuine Simon-smile at her. “Yeah. Thank you so much.”

“Terrific. Then I believe we are done here.” With that, she quickly packs up and leaves without saying bye to anyone.

By the time Officer Wilson is gone, we’ve missed all of lunch and fourth and most of fifth period. Simon and I are swiftly ejected from Mr. Worth’s office with a note excusing us from our afternoon classes while Simon’s parents ask for a moment alone with Mr. Worth. Simon, I can tell, hates that, but he knows there’s nothing he can do about it.

The second we are out of Tracy’s earshot, I turn to him. “Hey, wanna come over?” I ask.

Simon looks at me, amused. “What was that?!? Did Bram Greenfeld just suggest we skip school?? I mean, I know we have a note allowing it, but I half-suspected you would still want to go to fifth and sixth period anyway.”

I just laugh. “We’ve already missed the start of class. It’s Friday, and the end of the year. I’m willing to make an exception, just this once.” I say, with a fake seriousness.

Simon just smiles, but doesn’t get a chance to respond before Jack and Emily emerge and come right up to us.

“So what did you want to talk to Mr. Worth about?” Simon asks.

Jack steals a quick glance at Emily and says “We just want to be informed about what extra measures are going to be taken to protect you. _Both_.”

And with that, Simon’s smile is gone again.

Emily “Okay! Simon and Bram, Mr. Worth has excused you from your afternoon classes today. Simon, I think we should head home so we can unpack this as a family.”

Simon looks so unhappy I’m afraid he might start shaking again. “Mom, I don’t want to talk about this anymore. And Bram’s just invited me over this afternoon, so I’d rather do that.”

“Simon.” She says, in her serious, authoritative tone that I've developed a healthy fear of. “Something very serious happened today, and we need to discuss this.”

“We just did, Mom. In excruciating detail, for, like, _hours_.”

“Simon, this _has_ to happen, there are-”

“-Mom, _please_.” Simon says. He sounds desperate, and kind of close to breaking. “I’m exhausted. I don’t want to talk about this anymore, at least not right now. I just went through the entire thing with my parents, the principal _and_ the police. Isn’t that enough for now? Don’t I deserve to go and hang out with my boyfriend and relax? Just ‘ _be me’_ , like Officer Wilson said?”

Emily looks weary, like she understands Simon’s point but doesn’t want to concede.

Simon, capitalizes on his opportunity for victory and goes in for the win. “Mom, I promise you, tomorrow over breakfast or lunch. I will talk this out with you as much as you want. Seriously. As much as you want. Just … not right now, ok? Please, just let me go to Bram’s.”

Jack looks from Simon over to Emily and quietly says “I think we should let them go.”

Emily nods tentatively at him.

“Ok, but you’ll be home for dinner tonight, right?” Emily tries one more time.

“ _No.”_ Simon says, getting frustrated. “Garrett’s having people over tonight, remember? and we’re doing a pizza dinner and then a small get together. I told you about all that days ago and you guys said you were fine with it.”

“Right, um….” Emily says, still looking very reluctant to concede. “Ok. Be home by curfew.”

I glance over at Simon, he just looks completely spent.

I’m glad he pushed with Emily though, Simon definitely knows his limits about what he can handle. I think it’s really brave that he can set boundaries when he needs to. I wish I could do that better.

Emily looks frozen on the spot, like she can’t bring herself to move. Even though I know Simon wants her to leave, I have to admit that I get it. Someone threatened her kid today, she must just want to hold on tight and never let go.

Jack decides to gently coax the situation along.

“Ok, have fun tonight guys. Bram, see you Sunday for weekly dinner?” I smile warmly and nod. He seems relieved for some reason but says nothing else.

Emily starts to walk away with him, but suddenly stops and walks back to Simon with purpose and envelops him into a tight hug. Simon, to his credit, hugs her back just as tight.

The second they break, Jack copies his wife and hugs Simon even tighter than Emily did. When Jack lets go of Simon he comes over and does the exact same thing to me. It’s nice, really. I can’t remember the last time my own dad hugged me like this.

Simon watches his parents walk away and then turns to me. I respond by just extending my hand to him and not saying a word. He smiles, takes it, and we head out to the student parking lot.


	2. At Bram's

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thanks for your lovely comments about Chapter 1! They meant a lot to me! 
> 
> A friendly reminder that there is some (very gentle) smut below. :)

Simon and I walk through my front door. Simon takes off his shoes and lines them up nicely next to the shoe rack. Simon is _not_ that neat normally, and I know he does it out of respect for my mom.

We wordlessly head straight to my kitchen.

I expect Simon to sit at the kitchen stool but instead he follows me around the island and quickly whips me into a hug. Unlike the hugs with his parents earlier, Simon manages to infuse a level of intimacy into this that immediately awakens things in me. He gently runs his fingers through my hair and gently grazes my neck and grabs a fistful of my shirt at the small of my back. He nuzzles his nose into my neck and I place the quickest and lightest kiss into his neck in response.

Simon breaks the hug and takes a seat at the island and settles in.

“Iced coffee?” I ask.

“Sounds great.” He says and smiles.

I put the kettle on and get the pour-over out of the cupboard. I make a mean home iced coffee. My mom made me learn, which, I figured out years later, was her sneaky way to get me to open up to her. She endeared herself to me by treating me like a grown-up and teaching me about coffee, which made me feel _cool_ and, invariably, we ended up spending time together as we drank them. It was a genius move, in retrospect. She’s a clever woman, that’s for damn sure. 

Given Simon’s being such a connoisseur of iced coffees, I was afraid he wouldn’t like my concoction, but he always seems to love it, which makes me so irrationally happy.

Simon and I take our drinks into the den. I make a point of not speaking first. I want Simon to decide what we do. We can watch TV or we can talk or do whatever he wants, really.

Simon sits down, pulls his feet up on the couch and twists toward me.

Okay, so no TV then. Good.

I mirror his position and face him as well, and take a sip of my drink.

“So….” he says. He seems nervous.

“So.” I repeat, looking him deep in the eyes.

“Today was _a lot_.” He says half-jokingly.

I laugh and nod. “I was pretty impressed at how you shut down your mom, though. I’m glad you put up a boundary about how and when you want to deal with this. I think that’s really important.”

Simon smiles. “Thanks. Yeah – I love my mom, but I know exactly what I’m in for when she says she wants to ‘talk this out’. I’m about to get therapized in a major way. She means well, but sometimes she makes me feel, I don’t know….like I need constant care and _attention_ when I don’t. All I want her to do is say ‘ _I love you and I’m sorry you had to deal with this_.’ and that’s it! It can be over. She can hug me and we can move on. But she always wants to make a federal case out of everything, when I just want to feel like everything’s normal. You know?”

Excellent. We’re already getting somewhere. 

“Yeah, of course. And It’s probably really hard for her to turn that off, being a therapist, _and_ your mom. She’s probably doubly-invested in always… _tending_ to you.”

“Ha! That’s exactly the right way to phrase it. Sometimes it feels like she _looks_ for a problem just so we can ‘unpack it’ together.”

I laugh heartily at that. But then I can’t help but turn serious. This feels like my opening.

“But what about this time, Si? Should this … ‘ _get unpacked’_?”

Simon suddenly looks serious again and just looks down at his lap with a slightly pained look on his face.

“Look, Si – we don’t have to talk about this if you don’t want to. As we just said, your mom is going to force you to tomorrow. But you know you can with me, if you _do_ want to. I just keep thinking what I would want, if our roles were reversed right now, and I know you. You would, like, instantly make me feel totally at ease and I think I’m trying to… _meet you up on your level_. I mean, I just want you to feel comfortable talking, or not talking. Either one….. I guess, what I’m saying is whatever you want to do here is completely okay.”

I’m talking too much and I know it.

I really have to be careful here, I don’t want him to feel obligated to talk to me. He doesn’t owe me anything. That note was horrible and Simon should feel free to deal with this however he wants.

The thing that worries me is that these kinds of incidents are insidious. They try to creep under your skin and plant roots. Roots, that if left untended, will manifest into real problems. I know Simon’s secure in his identity and I’m not really that worried about him. He’ll treat the emotions from this in a healthy way that will work for him. But I also feel like I have an opportunity to help him weed this out before it takes hold.

Simon’s just looking at me and lightly smiling with an amused look on his face. He clearly sees right through me and my rambling.

“Bram, _of course_ I want to talk to you about this. I mean, are you kidding? I always want to talk to you. Don’t you know that by now? Plus, I know you’ll be great to talk to and I don’t have to think about it as hard as I’m going to have to with my mom tomorrow. I can just be myself and you’ll be perfect about it. My mom means well, but she can’t understand what it means to be gay and out and proud and get a note like that. _You_ can. And you’re my boyfriend and I love you and I care about your opinion. More than anyone else’s.”

I’ve just been grinning lovingly at Simon for so long that I don’t immediately realize he was expecting me to talk.

“So?” He prompts. Snapping me back to reality. “What’s your .. take, Bram?” He says with an amused tone. But it’s kind of shaky. I can tell.

I take in a big breath and let it out before I decide to tell him the truth. “Initially? That note made me so angry I wanted to punch a wall.”

Simon’s eyebrows shoot up. He looks amused, more than anything else, which is a relief.

“Really? Why? It’s so hard to imagine you _angry_ …” He asks and chuckles a bit.

“Because it was directed at you. Because it threatened you. And because I’m afraid that the person who wrote it was trying to make you feel like you and I are not … equal partners? I don’t know.”

“Bram, you don’t have to worry about that at all. I don’t feel less than you or like we aren’t even partners. I totally respect you. I know you respect me too. You show me every day. I’m not, like, _at all,_ worried about that.

And as for the note being directed at me in general? Honestly, that part really doesn’t surprise me. Of all the gay kids who are out at school, I’m the only one who was outed against my will, and _very_ publicly. Whether I like it or not, that kind of put a target on my back. More so than for you, or Cal or Ethan and obviously the LGBTQ girls have their own situation. It sucks, and, as much as I hate to admit this, a part of me will never be able to really completely forgive Martin because I now have to live with this. But it is what it is. And I have to be ok with it.

So I mean, yeah, obviously it sucks, and that note was super scary, but I knew that being out, especially in Georgia meant that it was only a matter of time before something like this happened. The problem is I just don’t know … like, what to think, going forward, I guess.”

I beam at him. I feel so full of pride. He’s completely amazing.

“I should have known not to be concerned about you. Of course you wouldn’t let this affect you.”

“Well that’s flattering to hear, Bram, but the truth is, I _am_ little freaked out. That note, was, like, … pretty explicit. And the death threat part of it was pretty scary. I don’t know who wrote it, or how serious they are, but it pretty clearly says they want to hurt me.”

Here comes the protective boyfriend instinct again. I feel like it physically pains me to think he might be scared. I look at him and try to infuse the seriousness and conviction the situation warrants when I tell him.

“Simon, I won’t let anything happen to you.”

Simon smiles warmly at me. “I know you won’t. But Bram, realistically, you can’t be there all the time, and I don’t want to feel afraid every time you’re not there. But, more to the point, I don’t want to … be dependent on you to feel safe when I’m at school. That’s ….. yeah, I _really_ don’t want that. And I don’t know, I’m not gonna try and suddenly start being strong enough to throw punches. That’s just not me and it’s just not gonna happen. I mean, I _have_ been working out recently, but not for that reason.” He smiles a little to himself at that last sentence.

“But I just don’t know what to do, Bram. I don’t want to be afraid and always looking over my shoulder, but I also don’t want to pretend like it’s nothing and then get caught with my guard down? I just … I don’t know.”

I just look at him. On one hand, I’m so happy he’s opening up to me, but on the other hand, this conversation feels monumentally important and I’m so terrified of saying the wrong thing.

When I don’t immediately interject, Simon continues and finishes the thought, “I guess, what I’m saying is, I’m scared of… feeling scared all the time.”

“Simon, I totally get it. That makes complete sense. But you already know what I’m about to tell you. You can’t go through the last little bit of high school feeling afraid. Whoever wrote that note, _may_ do something, but honestly I doubt it. Bullies are cowards. The truth is, I’m kind of in awe of you when you said that you’re scared of feeling scared. I think that’s _exactly_ the thing. Notes like that are designed to make you feel afraid. You can’t live like that. I mean, yeah – high school’s gonna be over pretty soon. But you still deserve to feel safe and be yourself.”

“Yeah – exactly. I’m so happy now. The first half of the year, still being closeted, and with the Martin-blackmail of it all, and not knowing who Blue was yet… it was hard. But now? I’m out, Martin has nothing on me anymore, my friends aren’t mad at me - that was a _rough_ couple of days - and most importantly, I have you. I didn’t go through all that crap to pretend like you aren’t the best thing that’s happened to me and the most important person in my life. I refuse to hide that. Or you. Or how happy I am.”

My heart starts pounding in my chest.

 _“Good._ ” I whisper, so quietly I’m not even sure if Simon heard it.

“I think… that all I can do is move forward like it doesn’t matter. Because it doesn’t. I filed the police report. And like the cop said, if something else happens, that person’s gonna face actual consequences. I just have to.. count on that, I guess. I’m just going to hold my head high and live my life and not let them in.”

“Yes, _perfect_. That’s…. perfect, Si.”

I don’t want to say anything more and ruin this moment and how extraordinarily well Simon just came through for himself.

I look up and catch his gaze. His expression has changed to something soft and purposeful, and after a moment of silence he just quietly says, “Let’s go to your room.”

I just look at him knowingly and whisper “ _Okay_.”

And we both get up and silently start walking toward the stairs.

I’m not sure if Simon wants to keep talking, or if he wants to have sex or if he just wants to go to my room to make out a little. I’ll do whatever he wants. If he wants to talk for hours, we will. If he wants me to make slow affectionate love to him, I’ll be honored. If he wants to bend me over a table in a passionate fury, I’ll happily let him. If he just wants me to hold him in my arms while he lays down and relaxes, that’s fine too. He does love to cuddle.

But I don’t want to put any ideas in his head, so I let him take the lead. I have a very singular agenda today. Make him feel like himself. Loved and safe and okay.

Simon kisses me the second we get through my bedroom door. It’s intense but not frantic. He gently but determinedly slips his tongue in my mouth and wraps both arms around my back. I respond by throwing one arm around his shoulders and using the other to reach up and cup his face.

After a moment, Simon slowly breaks the kiss and lifts his head up a bit to look at me. He’s got such a soft but certain look in his eyes, that I feel like I might melt. I tighten my hold around his shoulders to steady myself and let out a little shaky sigh.

Simon notices my reaction and smiles a little, almost in pride, at making me so weak in the knees. 

Simon looks like he wants to say something but hesitates. I’m in no rush to move this along, I want Simon to set the pace so I just lightly take the hand cupping his cheek and move my fingers up to his forehead gently run them through his hair. I love running my fingers through his hair and he knows it.

I instinctively look down at his lips. His thick, soft lips.

Simon definitely notices and gets a sultry look in his eyes. “When does your mom come home?”

I look into his eyes knowingly, smile and answer, “ _Hours_ from now.”

Simon just smiles. He takes in a big breath and lets it out slowly. “Great.” He kisses me again, and simultaneously starts pushing us back toward my bed.

Simon moves his hands straight to the hem of my shirt and pulls. I break the kiss to get the shirt off over my head and then go back in with full vigor. I take Simon’s hoodie off and immediately pull up on his t-shirt as well.

Simon gently pushes me back onto the bed and climbs on top of me. This is heating up quickly and we can definitely both feel it.

Suddenly, out of nowhere, that stupid fucking drawing pops into my head, invading my thoughts, and I hate myself for letting it.

I don’t even have to say anything for Simon to know something’s up.

Maybe he can read me like a book, too.

Simon pulls up from kissing my neck and looks me square in the eye.

“Bram, I can feel your cogs turning. I know you. You’re overthinking what’s about to happen. So let me try and ease your brain by telling you what _I’m_ thinking: I don’t want to do anything differently than normal. I don’t have anything to prove to anyone. Including myself. Neither do you. I’m not going to let that note or that dumb drawing affect anything. I want to be out and proud. I _am_ out and proud. And when it comes to you? I don’t want to change who I am, or for you to change who you are. You and I _are_ different, that’s true, and we’re also _so good together_. I love being with you. In our relationship in general, and in … what we’re about to do. That drawing? means _nothing_ to me. I don’t want to develop a complex about being gay or what you and I do together when we’re naked. Because the truth, Bram, is that I _do_ love to bottom with you. Don’t get me wrong, I also love being the top. Really, I just love sleeping with you in general.”

He lightly laughs and, in this moment, given how much I was worrying, it’s just the sweetest sound in the world to me.

I feel this weird urge to touch Simon all over. I start running my hand over his face, his hair, his neck, shoulders and chest.

“I’m not going to let some idiot asshole make me feel bad anything. I’m also not going to change who I am or what I do. Like I’m not going to hide the fact that I’ve been going to the gym recently for the sole purpose of being able to better support my own weight when I’m naked on top of my boyfriend. Seriously, Bram. That is literally the _only_ reason.”

I can’t help but openly laugh at that. Simon laughs too. I knew Simon had been working out more, I figured it had something to do with my seeing him naked on a pretty regular basis these last few months. Not that he hasn’t always been hot. He’s long and lean and the perfect combination of hard and soft. I love his body exactly as it is. I didn’t ask Simon about his new gym habits because it’s his business. I know better than to question or even comment on someone’s self-care routine. 

I’m so happy to hear Simon say that. I think it would have broken my heart if that note had made Simon question .. _anything_ , really. But Simon is telling me pretty clearly that it isn’t and I couldn’t be prouder, or happier. I think all he needed was a little time to come down from the initial shock.

“I’m so happy to hear you say all that, Si. And for the record, I love sleeping with you too. Top, Bottom, all the ways.”

Simon’s still just looking down at me and smiling lovingly.

“So long story short, Bram. When it comes to this? The honest truth? I _love_ the feeling of you inside me. I love it. So right now, I’ll tell you exactly what I want. I want to climb on top of you and ride you. So, you tell me. Are you okay with that?”

Simon’s not big on dirty talk, so it takes me entirely by surprise to hear him speak like this. It might be the hottest thing I’ve ever heard. I guess this means I might like dirty talk? I file that away as something to think about later.

“ _Yeah_ baby.” I whisper. “I’m okay with that.”

“Great.” Simon says again and immediately sets to work on taking the rest of our clothes off. He climbs back on top of me and kisses me with a determined passion I definitely have experienced from him before, and I love more than anything.

Everything Simon just said - he said with such clearness and certainty, I can’t help but marvel at him. He’s determined, he’s confident and he has conviction in what he believes in. And he’s sure about what he wants. These things are just as manly as muscles, or any other stupid gender norms homophobes put on men and women.

With Simon sitting in my lap, I run my hand down Simon’s skin, over his butt and down his thighs. I can’t help but distractingly notice that his muscles _are_ changing a little.

I blurt out, without thinking. “For what it’s worth, Si - I can definitely tell you’re getting stronger.” And I instantly regret it. I was _just_ priding myself on not giving him a complex about muscles or strength or antiquated notions of masculinity. And then I say that? Ugh, I want to kick myself. 

He immediately rolls his eyes. “Haha, _thank you._ ” He says sarcastically.

“But, you know you don’t have to worry, I can support your weight, no problem at all.”

“I know you can, baby.” He says, barely above a whisper. “But I want to be able to do it too. And help support you when you’re on top of me, too.”

 _God, that’s really hot._ I lean in and kiss him passionately.

And with that, we’re off and running.

In the throes of having sex with Simon, I suddenly feel totally overwhelmed by a rush of my feelings for him. This guy I’m crazy about, who proved today, not for the first time, that he is so brave, and he _knows_ himself _so_ well. I love him so much. Every part of him, really. But with him naked on top of me and his arms and legs wrapped around me, it’s mostly the feeling of how intensely I’m attracted to him. I can’t believe I’m the one who gets to do this with him.

I pull my face up and look at him. He meets my gaze with the same unwavering passion that I’m feeling. He smiles at me and even with just that, I feel like I could barrel over the cliff right now.

“God Simon. Your _eyes_.” I whisper. He smile widens. God, he’s adorable.

I always love his moon gray eyes. _Always._ But right now, with his face so close to mine, and him looking at me like that, I just have this overwhelming need to kiss him right away.

I gently lean up, pushing him a bit backward, forcing him to take his hand off the headboard and put it behind him with tented fingers resting on my leg to keep his balance. His other arm tightens around my shoulders. In response, I instinctively tighten my own arm around his waist. He can tell right away what I want and leans in to give me a slow but passionate kiss. I’m mesmerized that he can kiss me this slowly while keeping his pace with …. _other things_. It’s actually really remarkable.

That kiss was apparently exactly what I needed. Simon notices me starting to lose control and swiftly picks up the pace. I bury my face into Simon’s chest as he seamlessly carries me over the finish line.

The second I can think clearly again, I immediately tighten my hold around him and flip him onto his back, planting quick kisses down his chest all the way down to where I want to go.

It doesn’t take long and within a minute, Simon’s giving me the warning. I just reach up and hold his hand while I keep going and take him over the edge. He squeezes my hand so hard it almost hurts a little. I love it, though. I love doing this with him.

I crawl back up and give him a light kiss. He immediately wraps his hand around the back of my neck and pulls me back in for a much deeper kiss.

When he breaks it, he lightly touches my cheek, but he doesn’t say anything.

He doesn’t have to.

I lower my head onto his chest and feel Simon’s heart beating. Simon responds by cradling my head in his hand and tightening his hold around my back. I feel so at peace like this.

After a few minutes of delicious silence resting on Simon’s chest, I can feel my lower half waking back up. Simon clearly can too.

I lift my head up to his and he kisses me right away.

I look down at him and gently whisper, “I think I’d like to ride _you_ this time. Are _you_ okay with that?”

Simon looks surprised, maybe at my forwardness, or my own gentle use of dirty talk but he just whispers “Hell Yeah.” And with that, we’re off and running again.

Later, after a few minutes of lying side by side catching our breaths, I feel so sleepy that I have to actively work to keep my eyes open. Simon tilts his head toward me.

“Hey, I just want to thank you for today.”

“Si, you really don’t have to. This is one of the things about having a boyfriend. We’re there for each other.”

“I know, but I think if I’m being honest with myself….I think if things had been a bit different, I could have really spiralled about this. But I didn’t. I think it really helped that you were there, you didn’t leave my side and you were just your normal, regular self. You didn’t treat me differently but you made yourself open to talk about it if I needed. And already, it feels like it happened, like, ages ago.”

“Good, Si. I’m so happy to hear that.”

But Simon’s not done. “There’s another thing I have to admit, again… if I’m being totally honest.”

He suddenly looks really uncomfortable, and stops looking at me, so I shift slightly closer to him so he knows he has my full attention.

“I, um, if you hadn’t been right there when I got the note, I’m not a hundred percent sure I would have told you about it.”

That doesn’t surprise me, because I get it, I really do. There’s a certain amount of awkwardness that goes with being the recipient of this kind of crap. This uncomfortability is then followed by shame for letting yourself feel bad in the first place, because you know you shouldn’t have to face these kinds of insults, ever. You know you’re not supposed to internalize these kinds of hateful comments, but sometimes that’s easier said than done. And, if I’m being honest with myself, if our roles were reversed, I’m not sure I would have told Simon either. It’s hard to admit that, but there would be an instinct to try and hide the incident entirely. The trick is learning not to give into it

I realize I got lost in my thought and didn’t respond to Simon right away, and I think he’s worried because now he’s talking a bit faster.

“It’s not that I don’t trust you, _of course_ it’s not that, I really, really hope you know that.”

I don’t respond, I just immediately take his hand in mine and smile at him. Simon looks instantly calmer.

“It’s just, I think I would have wanted to hide this, I don’t know..… embarrassment? I guess? from you. But after the last few hours, I realize that would have been a huge mistake. You’ve, I don’t know… just by being you… you’ve totally grounded me and made the note thing feel like this tiny inconvenience, rather than something big I have to keep thinking about.”

“Good, I’m really glad, Si.”

Simon takes in a deep breath and suddenly speaks with a sense of purpose. “So I’m mentioning all this, because I think we should make a promise to each other. I think we should promise each other that we will _always_ tell each other when something like this happens. This kind of crap is designed to make people feel alone. If we promise each other we’ll never hide this stuff or how we feel about it from each other, then we’re both gonna be way better off. What do you think?”

I twist my body to face Simon entirely. “I love that so much. What a good idea. And seriously. Everything. From a one-word shitty remark, to stupid notes and, you know, hopefully never anything worse. I also like this idea that we only have to promise to share the negative stuff, because we really don’t need to make any kind of promise about sharing the _good_ stuff. When something good happens, Si, I literally can _barely_ wait to share it with you. I don’t need a promise to make _that_ happen.”

“Yeah? Same here. Ok great. That’s awesome…. Good….” He trails off. He’s smiling lightly to himself and looking lost in thought. I won’t interrupt him. Whatever he’s thinking about is making him happy.

My mind wanders to Garrett. At this point school’s definitely been let out and Garrett will have figured out that I’m not coming over early. I might not be coming at all if Simon decides he’s not up for it. Simon has been pretty psyched about the party all week, and I’m almost positive he will still want to go, if for no other reason than for mine and Garrett’ sake. I will ask though because I want to make sure he’s comfortable with saying no.

“So what about Garrett’s tonight? Do you still want to go?” I ask, tentatively.

“Yeah, of course! High school is _ending,_ Bram! We have to take advantage of as many party opportunities as we can. I’m definitely gonna have to shower first though. I can shower here, right?”

“Of course, you can. You’re free to anytime you want, you know that. I’m gonna have to shower too. I’m, uh, definitely _not_ presentable to anyone but you right now.”

Simon seems to find that highly amusing and quickly trails his fingers down my chest. He then straightens up a bit.

“Ok! I have no idea what time it is, but we should probably get a move on so we’re not late for Garrett’s pizza dinner portion of the night. His threats about tardiness were so specific…and explicit!”

He’s right, we should get going but I don’t make any attempt to move. “We’ll get up in a minute.” I say and reach out to touch his hand.

Simon looks at me and relaxes a bit. “Ok. Sounds like a plan.” With that, he rolls into me and tucks his head into the crook of my neck.

I twist toward him and lightly kiss him on the forehead while wrapping my arms tightly around him. He inhales deeply and nuzzles in further.

I knew this was what he wanted. I knew it. He’s a cuddler. And I’m so glad he’s not going to let anyone or anything change that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 3 will be Garrett's party (of course!) I'm glad I waited to post it because the chapter needed some work and it's in much better shape now :)


	3. At Garrett's

My mom comes home a bit early from work just as Simon and I are heading out the door. I remind her that I’m sleeping over at Garrett’s and I’ll be home tomorrow in time for dinner with her. I’d already asked Simon if I could tell her about everything later and he readily agreed. I think he and I both know that our moms … _talk_. Hard to keep secrets when one of them already knows something.

When we get to Garrett’s, the lunch crew and a few guys from soccer are already there. I know Garrett was disappointed that I missed helping him set up, but I also know he’ll never let me see that. Plus, I’m sleeping over, so I’ll make it up to him by helping clean up and he can talk my ear off about the party. I think he likes doing that almost as much as actually partying. I’m psyched for him to have a good time tonight. He deserves it.

Simon greets Garrett with a high five and immediately goes and sits down next to Leah. I can’t help but notice her perk up a little and they immediately fall deep into conversation.

Abby and Nick walk back into the room from the backyard and, upon seeing Simon, beeline straight for him. I’m sure they’ve been worried about him all day. Abby even yanks on Simon’s arm, pulls him up to standing and wraps her arms tightly around him. Nick just high fives him. I’m sure Abby, Leah and Garrett caught Nick up about what happened at Simon’s locker.

I turn to the kitchen and join Garrett and Dave up at the kitchen island. Hanging out with our soccer friends is awesome and so relaxing. They’re just such good people. I briefly flash back to earlier in the year when I was stupidly terrified they’d all suddenly stop wanting to hang out with me when they found out I was gay. But not one of them said or did anything even remotely bad. Not only did they not treat me differently, they welcomed Simon in as a friend without a second thought. I wasted so much time worrying for nothing.

Once the party is in full swing, things go off without a hitch. Simon and I make the rounds and chat with lots of people. Garrett and I defend our reigning championship as Beirut partners. We even beat Simon and Abby. People really give it their all with Garrett’s karaoke machine. He’s told me three times tonight alone how that thing was worth every penny.

Garrett also goes around saying hi to people, making sure everyone feels welcome. He even talks to some juniors who clearly crashed, and a small crew of unpopular seniors who were probably nervous to even show up. He’s friendly and welcoming to absolutely everyone. It’s another especially nice touch of his.

Nick makes a point to find me out back and immediately asks me how Simon’s doing. I give him a short answer, assuring him Simon’s fine. It’s not for me to get into it with him, Simon can share if he wants to. Nick doesn’t push it and we talk instead about the upcoming senior grad trip. Nick is so excited about it, he’s been bringing it up every day since we all got permission to go.

After leaving Nick out back, I loop back to check in with Simon.

I gently reach for his hand and look at him. “Having fun?”

“Yeah! You?” He says, quietly.

“Good, yeah me too. I was talking to Nick out back and he’s, like, borderline obsessed with grad trip, huh? You know he thinks that-“

“Simon!” Taylor Metternich interrupts my story. “Come be my partner! I need your Beirut skills. Cal and Breanne are getting cocky and you _know_ that means I have to beat them.”

“Don’t you mean, _we_ have to beat them?” Simon laughs. “Okay, I’ll be right there, gimme a minute.” He turns to me and says. “Sorry, you were saying?”

“Don’t worry – I’ll tell you later. Go. Help Taylor.” Simon smiles at me and turns to walk over to join them. He quickly glances back at me and smiles again.

I notice Cal stiffen a little as Simon joins them. I also notice him keep his eyes firmly fixed on Simon for several moments.

He can look as much as he wants. I can’t say I blame him.

I decide to head back outside and regroup with Garrett.

Garrett sees me coming and heads me off as I hit the lawn.

“Hey! I was looking for you!” He says.

“Same here. Great party, man. As usual. You always go all out, and make it feel pretty epic.”

“Yeah, well I hate going to someone’s house when they’re all stiff and panicky about dirt or garbage and coasters and dishes breaking. If your crap means that much to you, don’t have people over!”

“Haha, yeah exactly.”

He smiles at me. And I feel so grateful that he is as chill as he is. About everything. Including the fact that I fully ditched him this afternoon. I know he gets it, but still. I want to be as good a friend to him as he is to me.

“Listen, Garrett. I wanted to apologize again – I know you wanted me here, like, _a lot_ earlier to help set up and hang out a bit first to talk about the Leah thing-“

“-Hey man. Don’t worry about it. Someone threatened your man today. That definitely takes priority. Speaking of which, Simon looks, like, surprisingly _great_. Do you have magical powers or something? Last we saw him, he was pretty shaken up, and now? He’s like his normal happy self, like nothing at all happened! Is that what spending the afternoon with you does to a guy?” He jokes.

I just smile at Garrett and roll my eyes.

“But seriously, Bram.” Garrett points over at Simon who’s keeling over in laughter at something. “Impressive work.”

“What makes you think I did anything? Maybe Simon just had time to calm down and put it all in perspective.”

Garrett just looks at me with a skeptical look. “Come on. This is your doing. I’m not saying Simon isn’t impressive and brave AF. We all know he is. But _you_ did this.”

I stop playing coy and answer truthfully. “Honestly, I really didn’t do much. After the crappy stuff at school with Mr. Worth, and the police-”

“Police!?” Garrett looks shocked.

“ _Yeah_.” I confirm. “And Simon’s parents, I just took Simon back to my place and I let him talk it out. I honestly barely even said anything. He just talked and I listened.”

Garrett nods, but then changes his tone back to his normal jovial self.

“So that’s all you did? Talk? _Noooooothing_ else to …. help take Simon’s mind off things??” Garrett quips, fishing for gossip.

I never give him details about sleeping with Simon, no matter how much he begs. So even admitting that there was any sex would be out of the ordinary for me.

I decide to give him a _little_ hint of what he wants. “Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answers to.” I quip back and give him a look.

Garrett looks like Christmas just came early. “I do want the answers! I do, I do!!”

I just laugh him off and change the subject. “Not that it matters at all, but has news of what happened to Simon spread around today?”

“Haven’t heard a single word from anyone. Which I’m even more surprised about now that I know it had police involvement. I would have thought for sure someone would have noticed cops on school grounds.” He just shrugs.

Garrett looks over at the theater crew at the beer pong table again. “On _another_ topic change. You _do_ know Cal has been staring at Simon pretty much non-stop since he got here, right?”

I instinctively look over and sure enough, Cal is looking at Simon lovingly, _again_. Simon doesn’t even notice because, well, Simon _never_ notices that kind of thing, but also he’s looking intently at Taylor who’s telling some longwinded story. I let out a sigh. “Yeah, I’ve noticed.”

But then I deliberately look away from them. “I’m not worried. And, I really can’t fault him for falling for Simon. But yeah, I’m not worried. Simon and I are solid.”

“Oh yeah, hundred percent. Nothing to be worried about at all. Cal may be staring at Simon, but Simon is staring at _you_.”

My first instinct is a blush of pride, but I take a different tactic. I see an opportunity to tease and I take it.

I chuckle at him and smile. “Hahaha! Garrett! That was _pretty_ cheesy. Even by my standards!”

“Hey man, I’m not ashamed! I’m team ‘Spierfeld’ all the way. _Always_ have been!”

I laugh again and smile at Garrett. After our public Ferris wheel debut, someone on Creeksecrets came up with our couple name. It spread around for a few days but thankfully no one uses it anymore. No one but Garrett, that is.

“I know. You really are the best. You know that, right?”

Garrett just beams with pride and pulls me into a pretty tight bear hug. Both arms and everything.

“Speaking of you being the best. Have you been having any success tonight on operation, um…. _‘Burke-lin’_?” I ask and immediately make a face at the name I just coined.

“Yeah.” Garrett says and grimaces. “Doesn’t quite have the same ring to it, does it? Honestly, Long story short? I think it’s time for me to admit defeat on that one.”

I immediately look at him with concern, which he quickly rebuffs.

“It’s okay! I’m fine being a lone wolf.” And smirks cheekily at me.

He’s trying to be cheery but I know he really likes her. “Okay. I know we didn’t get the time today, but I _am_ sleeping over. Wanna do a big waffle house run in the morning and you can catch me up?”

“Yeah!” Garrett says earnestly. With that I feel a little better. I’ll have a chance to come through for him after all.

Garrett and I walk back into the house and Garrett peels off to keep being a good host and make the rounds again. I find Simon talking to Abby and Taylor in the den. Simon warmly throws his arm around my shoulder, and I respond by loosely wrapping mine around his waist.

Simon and I lock eyes and he just warmly smiles at me quickly before giving his attention back to Taylor who’s in the middle of some humble-brag story that I can’t be bothered to invest in.

The girls leave Simon and me alone for a moment and we settle into the corner of Garrett’s green leather couch.

Simon turns to me with a firm and determined look on his face.

“Bram, I know you said I don’t have to do this, but I really do want to thank you, you really worked, like, _double overtime_ today to make sure I was okay with everything.”

“Simon, reminding you how wonderful and… _loved_ you are is not ‘ _work’_. Not to me. But.... you’re welcome.”

Simon just smiles affectionately in that way he does that makes my stomach flutter.

“I’m so glad you’re you.” I say and kind of laugh at myself. What a weird compliment to give.

Simon laughs too. “God, you’re cute.” he says quietly.

“Anyway.” He continues “I learned one important thing today: You, Bram Greenfeld, are _GREAT_ in a crisis.”

I can’t help but scoff and roll my eyes at him.

“No, seriously. You jumped into action immediately. You grounded me when I was panicking. You held my hand going through the hard parts with the police and my parents. You let me talk about it without forcing anything. Not to mention all the _nudity_. That helped too.” And gives me a look.

I burst out laughing.

“Seriously, Bram. You were perfect. And I’m so lucky to … _know_ you.”

I smile at him. “Just so you know, You’re pretty good in a crisis too, Simon. I honestly feel like I did very little, you had such a clear head with rational thinking the whole time. Seriously. You really impressed the shit out of me today.”

“Thank you. But that’s only because I had you there. Left on my own?” And he points dramatically to himself. “ _Basketcase_. For sure.”

I smile and curl up into him for a quick hug.

Later, the party is already starting to wind down when Simon comes to find me to say goodnight. Leah’s been pressing him to leave for over an hour and she’s his ride. Sure enough, I see her standing in the doorway watching us say goodbye and already looking annoyed at how long we're taking.

“Bye. Talk to you tomorrow. Don’t let Garrett barf.” I grin. Simon was joking but that’s actually a very real possibility.

Rather than casually wave, I pull him into a tight hug that I hold a second longer than I probably should. “Night, Si.” After the day we’ve had, it feels strange to say bye to him. I don’t want him to leave. I want to crawl into bed with him and fall asleep with him in my arms. But I know that can’t happen tonight.

I wait and watch Simon and Leah head out the door toward Leah’s car.

I glue myself to Garrett’s side for the last leg of the party and once the last guest leaves, I throw my arm around Garrett and bring him out to the backyard. He’s pretty drunk and I’m not sure if he’s gonna puke or not.

Once I get him in his patio chair, I set to work on throwing some of the outdoor garbage into trash bags. Garrett tries to get up and help me.

“Hey, no no. Sit. You’re good.”

“B-but it’s my yard, I should clean.”

“No. Just stay there. Tell me about the party! Favorite moments?”

And Garrett settles into the chair and starts telling me story after story.

I did a good pass at the yard and indoor areas for garbage. It’s enough for now, we can finish cleaning in the morning. I lead Garrett into the house and push him into the bathroom so he can brush his teeth. I put a giant glass of water by his nightstand and quickly change into my own pyjamas. Garrett had already set up my makeshift bed on the floor saving me from that task, which was a nice surprise. Garrett comes back into his room and flops onto his mattress, on top of his blanket, still in his clothes.

I glance over at him and his eyes are already closed.

“Bram?”

“Yeah?”

“Today started super stressful but then ended fun.” I chuckle at his drunk speak.

“Yep. That’s right.”

“And Simon’s good?”

“Yeah, for sure.” I smile at his concern. “Simon’s totally fine.”

“Are _you_ good?”

I look at him, surprised. I wasn’t expecting that question.

Am I ‘good’? I realize for the first time today that I’m really not so sure. When I first I saw that note I jumped immediately into protecting Simon and making sure _he_ was okay. After all, that note was directed at him. I’ve admitted that I was angry about it, and while that’s true, if I’m really being honest, I was also completely terrified. All day, I’ve avoided admitting to myself that my first thought when reading the note was to immediately imagine all the worse things the person who wrote it could have done to Simon. Caught him with his guard down, waited by his car, _tampered_ with his car, caught him in the restroom at school, actually physically hurt him….. The truth is I can’t stop imagining all the ways that this could have been so, so much worse than just a note. And now, as I think about these thoughts again, my hands start to shake with the anxiety. So … am I _good_? I’m starting to realize that _no_ , I don’t think I am.

But that’s not Garrett’s problem. So I answer, “Yeah, I’m good.”

Garrett just sighs and says “Good.” And rolls over to pass out.

I grab my phone and head out into the hall for a minute to think. My first thought is to call Simon to talk to him, but he left the party almost two hours ago now, he’s probably fast asleep.

It’s also almost 2am, I don’t want to risk waking anyone else in his house. Plus, he’s had a stressful enough day as it is. I really shouldn’t burden him with this. This note happened to him, not me. And he’s had his own emotions to process, and he did such a stellar job. He should be congratulated. Adding my stuff to the mix just seems selfish.

But then I remember the _promise_.

The promise Simon suggested we make to each other to always share the bad stuff so we could help each other. The promise we made to each other while lying naked in my bed together. I realize that not telling him how I’m feeling right now would _definitely_ count as breaking that promise.

I have to talk to him.

I consider waiting until the morning to call but I realize I just don’t think I can. I’m getting more and more upset the more I think about this.

I sit down in the middle of Garrett’s hallway and lean against the wall, far enough away from his door that I know I won’t risk waking him up. I take a big breath in and call Simon.

He answers after the third ring. “H-Hello? Bram?”

“Hey Si. I’m sorry to call so late, did I wake you?”

“No! …no, no. I was awake.”

That’s definitely not true, but I’ll apologize again later.

“What’s up?” He asks. “Is everything ok?”

“Yeah….…. Um. No? Um, okay, let me see if I can get this out. Okay, here goes: I, uh, I lied to you earlier. Well, I didn’t _lie_ exactly, but I wasn’t entirely honest with you…”

I take a breath. I don’t know how to continue. I can already tell that I’m either about to lose my nerve or break down. But I already know I’m not going to be able to talk about this calmly. Instinctively, I pinch the bridge of my nose as usual when I’m super stressed and don’t know what to do.

“Okay. Bram, don’t worry - whatever it is, you can tell me. If you’re trying to find the words, don’t rush, you can take your time, I’m not going anywhere.”

That response surprises me. “I just called you in the middle of the night and started a conversation with ‘I lied to you’ and you don’t sound _at all_ worried.” I say, kind of astonished at his calmness. I’m also well aware of the fact that I’m stalling, but that's beside the point.

“Because it’s _you_ , Bram. If there was some kind of immediate emergency, you would have gotten that out already. If you were going to do something devastating like break up with me, you would have waited till the morning, so this call is something else. And you can talk to me about anything. I know you know that. So, I’ll wait patiently till you’re ready.”

I can’t help but let out a light laugh. His reasoning his solid, but his examples are ridiculous.

“I’m not going to break up with you, Si. Yeah, that’s… not ever gonna happen.”

“Don’t worry, I know. I was kidding.”

We settle into a few moments of silence while I try and muster some courage. But the more I think about what I want to say, the more intensely I start to tremble again.

“Um. Okay. So when I say I wasn’t entirely honest with you, it’s about _my_ reaction to that note…. I told you I was furious. And that’s true…. But, um. But it also, like, really terrified me. Like, it really, scared the hell out of me, Simon. And here’s the thing: I was with you all day, and then we came straight to the party, but now that everyone’s gone and Garrett’s asleep, I’m alone with my thoughts for the first time since seeing the note, all I can seem to think about is how much _worse_ it could have been. Seriously, I can’t seem to stop coming up with all these different horrible scenarios of horrible things that could have happened, or could _still_ happen. I don't want to be thinking these things, but my brain just won’t seem to stop-”

I have to stop talking because my voice catches and I let out a pretty audible choke sound. Despite my best efforts to stay calm, the tears are flowing down my cheeks, my lip is trembling and voice keeps catching in my throat. I’m afraid if I try and keep talking, this is going to turn into a full sob.

On Simon’s end, I can hear the spring in his mattress make a sound as he shifts, I’m guessing it’s to sit up in bed. He doesn’t say anything yet though. He said he would wait patiently for me and I think he can sense I’m not quite finished.

After another beat of silence and a few deep breaths on my part, I continue, “Anyhow, I know that this is just, like, an emotional reaction, made worse by the fact that I’m drunk. I know that. My first instinct was not to bother you because I don’t want to put _more_ on your plate today, but then I remembered the promise you made us make this afternoon. And since I’m kind of freaking out, I thought I should … honor the promise. I don’t know, I just.. I _really_ wanted to talk to you. I know I woke you up and I’m sorry about that.”

I wish he was here. I wish I could calm down. I just want to stop thinking about it. I’d give anything to shut my brain down right now.

After another beat of silence, Simon starts “Bram, I’m _so_ happy you called me. I’m happy you remembered our promise. I’m happy I thought of it in the first place. These aren’t things you should keep to yourself. We have each other so we should totally lean on each other for this stuff.”

“I know you’re right, I just feel like I’m being ridiculous. We did everything right today and we already talked it out and said all the rational and obvious stuff. _And_ you said how happy you were that you managed to avoid spiralling but now I think I’m the one who’s spiralling… and it’s …..I don’t know. I’m just freaking out. I’m sure in the morning I’ll be thinking more clearly and this won’t be nearly so bad. I’m sorry, I should have waited till the morning to call you-”

“-Hey, _no_. Do not apologize for calling me. Not Ever. I don’t care if you called me for a totally rational reason or because you think you’re freaking out. If you need or want to call me, you call. Always. Besides, that’s the point of the promise. So the freaking out stuff won’t feel so hard. It doesn’t always have to make sense.”

“It’s just you were so good about … being calm today. I’m being way worse right now. I feel like I’m undoing all your good work.”

“No you aren’t, at all. And honestly, I totally get it. Because here’s the thing: It’s easier to be calm or push this aside when it’s just against me, but believe me Bram, if _you_ had been the one to receive that note, I’m pretty sure I’d have a full-blown panic attack and I’d be worried about you constantly. Like to the point that I wouldn’t be able to function. I would definitely be _waaaaaaay_ more of a mess than you are right now. So stop beating yourself up. And definitely don’t apologize. It’s like I told you earlier, you _nailed_ today. And even if you are freaking out right now, that is not ‘ _undoing’_ anything from earlier, it just means you have normal human emotions. And it means you’re worried about me and _you love me_.”

I can almost hear his cheeky smile come through on that last line. I feel a thousand times calmer already. Calling him was definitely the right move.

“Thanks, Si…. You know, you’re _awfully_ wise at 2am.”

“Hey, it had to happen sometime.” I can’t help but laugh. His sense of humor sometimes comes out in the most random and unexpected places. It’s great.

“So, Bram. Now it’s my turn to invite you over. I know you have plans with Garrett tomorrow, but do you wanna stop by and see me on your way home?”

“Yeah! Yeah, I would like that. Should be around 5pm? I can’t stay long though, I’m having dinner with my mom.”

“No problem. That’ll give us about an hour to hang out, which sounds awesome.”

“Great. Thanks. I'm looking forward to it.”

“Me too.”

I feel better. Just talking to him helped so much that I think I can let him get back to sleep now. I can also feel my brain starting to slow down too. _Finally._

“Goodnight, Si.”

“Goodnight, Bram. I love you….. _So. Fucking. Much_ ” He says, pointedly, borrowing my phrase from earlier in the day.

I beam. “I love you too. See you tomorrow.”

Simon and I hang up. I take a second to pull myself together before I stand up and start to move toward the bathroom to splash water on my face when Garrett’s door opens. Garrett stands in the doorway and looks at me with concern in his eyes.

At first, I feel embarrassed that he’s seeing me like this. There’s no way he can’t tell I’ve been crying for the last ten minutes.

I’m about to make some excuse and beg off to the bathroom when Garrett just looks me square in the eye. 

“So! A few minutes ago when you said you were ‘good’, what you _really_ meant was….”

I take in a big breath and let it out. May as well be honest with him too. “That I was having trouble admitting how much that note freaked me out.”

Garrett smiles gently at me, then stands up a bit taller and opens his arms out. “You _know_ I’m going to make you hug me.” He says, very matter-of-factly.

It’s just _so_ Garrett, that I burst into a laugh, releasing so much of the tension I’d been holding. I walk right up to him, still smiling, and he hugs me so tight that I have to catch my breath for a minute. When the hug ends, Garrett gives me his own signature affectionate smile and then says “Ok, back to passing out. See you in the morning, bud.” And with that, he turns back into his room leaving me to it.

I go to the bathroom to splash water on my face and then head to Garrett’s floor to pass out myself.

I lie on Garrett’s floor and look up at Garrett, already fast asleep. I’m pretty fucking lucky, that’s for sure. I’ve got a pretty spectacular best friend. And an incredible boyfriend that I’m absolutely crazy about. And great friends. And a wonderful mom. But even without any of that, I'm not gonna let some asshole get to me. I'm gonna know and be sure of myself the same way Simon does. That note's got nothing on me. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What did you guys think of that ending? You may have seen it coming, I tried to infuse hints into Chapters 1 and 2 that Bram, maybe wasn’t actually okay, no matter how good he was at taking care of Simon. (Although finding the balance between making those hints too subtle or too obvious was really hard!)
> 
> I thought it was important to have Bram have a bit of a breakdown. Especially considering the note wasn't directed at him. He’s not gonna be omniscient about how to process something like that. No one automatically has that kind of emotional toolkit at their disposal (another concept borrowed from that GQ interview I mentioned earlier).
> 
> Anyhow! Thank you for reading this story! It was really fun to write, and an interesting exercise in plotting, weaving themes and character growth. I'm happy I took on the challenge :)


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